In honor of this very special day, I interrupt this baby shower blog series (appropriately) for a brief look into the reality of a new mom’s first Mother’s Day. While I totally agree with and relate to all of these points (especially #9!), this wise bit of insight actually isn’t mine, but is a fantastic guest post from my dear friend Lisa Graft (for whom I threw the running-themed baby shower), a now-seasoned mama (compared to my 4 months!) to precious and adorable Josie. Take it away, Lisa!
Last Mother’s Day (my first), I posted this beautiful picture of my daughter and me with the caption, “Doesn’t get any better than this.”
(Photo credit: Tina Cornett Photography)
And I felt guilty. Like a liar. True, it doesn’t get any better than holding my sweet baby and giggling together, but it does get worse! So, in the spirit of full transparency, here are 10 truths about my short experience in motherhood that I wrote last Mother’s Day that still hold true, even with another year under my belt.
- Most days (read: every day), I can’t wait for Josie’s bedtime so I can unwind. Of course, usually I’m just trying to get things ready for the next day so we can do it all over again.
- Occasionally, when I am away from Josie, I feel guilty for not feeling guilty for being away from her.
- Some days, I drop Josie off at daycare and cry on my way to work…still.
- Pumping is the worst thing on the planet, so although I enjoy “free” food for Josie, I don’t enjoy being milked like a cow. At all. (Update: I was able to breastfeed for 10 months and it was awesome. And as soon as I was done, that was awesome too.)
- Being a full-time working mom is completely exhausting. But staying home sounds exhausting, too.
- I only shower twice a week. The other mornings, I have just enough energy to dip my head under the faucet. (Update: I shower every day now! See, it does get better!)
- Because my biggest fear in motherhood is losing my own identity, I sometimes find myself resisting the love (read: obsession) I have for Josie so I won’t start resenting her for consuming me. (Update: This was written in 2015, and in 2016 I know and now practice self-care! I’ve found deep joy in creating space for myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m training for my first triathlon, drinking coffee from a real mug at my kitchen table, and binge watching How I Met Your Mother.)
- I like using Josie as an excuse to stay home or get home earlier. It’s been lovely to avoid commitments in this way.
- I pray for Josie every night, mainly that she will sleep through the night, meaning I can sleep through the night. (Update: This was a bigger deal last year than this, so now I simply pray that God will keep her sweet heart.)
- On the rare weekend we don’t have anything really going on, I momentarily panic thinking about having to keep Josie entertained/contained all day.
- 2016 Bonus: Josie’s meltdowns are the most excruciating parts of any day. The longer she cries, the harder I try not to cry, and usually end up doing it anyway. But the sweaty, post-meltdown cuddle is always too short.
I’ve never been so exhausted – mentally, emotionally, and physically. When I became a mother, the selflessness came instantly to me. The work, then, is to not resent Josie for engendering the selflessness. And to not resent my husband for his learning curve on becoming selfless. And that’s tiring! But, of course, motherhood is amazing on so many levels. I love Josie more than I ever thought I could love a human. I’m enjoying the trial and error part of raising a baby because I’m becoming a very confident mother, and every day, I try to appreciate my tired eyes and full heart.
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